Wtprincess's Weblog

what just happened?

wtprincess — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 19:54:18 +0000

I think I just got fired, it was the craziest thing. Here I am just trucking along (oh please get out of the 60′s, wtp), thinking I’m accomplishing greatness when someone came along and said “not so much.” Wow it’s a lot like a break up, the line “its just not working out, this isn’t a good fit” is just like “its not you, its me.”

Such a strange feeling of relief, fear, excitement and dread overwhelmed me. I felt my ears turn red. It was very strange. Just like a break up, it hurts your pride but also do you really want to be in a relationship where you really aren’t wanted. Not really. The big question is, what do I do next and how do I keep the bills paid until I get another job?

I’m not panicked yet. I don’t really know why, I should be nervous. It’s a tough market right now and I’m ready for a move upward which is always a tricky step. I felt great about what I accomplished in two short weeks but not so much about the results. I always forget its not important what you do, its important that you do what the boss wants you to do.

Workplace gossip is also a tricky thing. It’s amazing to me how many people will repeat just a portion of what you say to the wrong person. It’s even more amazing when you find out but its really too late to do anything about it. Even worse, no one even asked you if that’s what you said, meant, did, and so on.

Work life is crazy! Sometimes its worse than junior high school.

another break up installment number 2

wtprincess — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 18:23:11 +0000

Sometimes breakups turn me into Nancy Drew. I feel the need to investigate and find out “what really happened.” I know there really isn’t just one or two things but I still have this strange desire to see if my feeling of impending doom was right. I always think oh next time I’ll recognize these signs and get out before I get too hurt. As one of my friends says, Bitch please….you will never learn.

So what do I “think” I know?

We probably jumped in too fast. Neither of us were prepared for being together long distance or otherwise. Is this something I tell myself to make myself feel better? or was the time apart romanticized for either or both of us?

I was with someone who really doesn’t like to be alone. I don’t mind being alone as long as I know someone is going to call, write or somehow pay attention to me even if we aren’t in the same room or at least that’s what I think.

The object of my affection started drifting away about the time I was somewhat unavailable, like the line from the Jimmy Buffett song “you were off on vacation, something you try hard to explain.”

the real break up happened when I did the girl thing “where are we in this, are we going steady?” What I really wanted to know is if you are going to date others, is it ok for me to as well? That’s a passive aggressive action on my part because I had turned down a few opportunities to go out with someone else. I didn’t want to be the bad guy but I didn’t want to keep a secret either.

Another break up sign, the pronoun game. If the guy starts saying, I”m waiting for a coworker, they should be here in a minute oops there she is I have to go. That’s not good. the she was obviously a slip up. Earlier it was no big deal if the co-worker was male or female.

Ah ha, Nancy Drew here starts to review the details including lines in the sorry I’ve been out of touch email.
Problems with relationships both personally and professionally. yep not a good idea to get too involved with co-workers. bet that was getting personal with a professional.

so what has this detective work taught me?

first trust your instincts

second not everything should be taken at face value, its probably more like fifty fifty

third regardless of what you learned, you will probably still make the same mistakes next time because that’s the way you are.

still a lesson should be learned from every failed relationship/friendship. I think mine is I need to learn not to linger. As much as I prefer the pull the bandaid off and move on approach, I’m still prone to linger…just one more thing is my true catch phrase. (yet I still retain all rights to I’m funny dammit)

next topic…lingering?

bitter party of one (shower thoughts for blog, article?)

wtprincess — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 18:20:54 +0000

to quote some comedian that I don’t know. I can’t help but feel bitter
at least as much as my general “gotta keep that cheerleader smiley face
plastered on” attitude and my 3 antidepressents will let me. A break up sucks
no matter how much time you have to prepare. My recent one was
particularly brutal as I convinced myself that the typical “I just won’t
call her again and she will realize we broke up” didn’t apply becauses
the object of my affection was out of the country… and no it wasn’t
some remote part of the world without internet access or telephones. It was the “break up by silence” that women so love.

Lucky me, I recently had the opportunity to do the “face to face” its not you it’s me break up. It’s amazing how breakups bring out all the cliches. But still there are lessons to be learned and here are a few things I’ve learned from this last one:

If you didn’t like the girls he was seeing before you, that’s not a sign that you are special. it probably means you aren’t going to work out.

Some guys need drama to feel appreciated. Most girls like to be dramatic.

If he never made the grand gesture before, he’s not going to do it to get you back. sometimes if you have to ask for it, even if he complies, if you had to ask, it isn’t going work regardless.

No matter how hard you prepare and try for closure, its just a matter of time, not activity. Giving back stuff and returning keys really helps but only during those nights when you want to be a mean bitch.
If you aren’t a mean bitch, you aren’t going to be happy if you try it out.

Closure just comes with time not conversations, there is always one more thing ….

Part three of the break up series

wtprincess — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 18:17:31 +0000

deep in the throes of an exciting new romance (sound like I had my arms akimbo) I made a mix tape for the object of my affection (ooma). Shades of Lloyd Dobler? no that’s another John Cusack movie…Anyway, before I could get the cd to the ooma, he dumped me, brutally I might add but you will learn more when I cut and paste the previous chapters of this saga. So time marches on, I’m doing good, we are probably going to be friends, no biggie. So I’m up this morning and decide to play the mix tape (cd). oh shit! While I have excellent taste in music (don’t we all think that about ourselves) and the music is put together in a great order, you know a little slow music, then speed it up, bring it back down, lyrics leading from one song topic to the next, oh and as an added bonus the first song is one that played the first night we met. how cute am I…and stupid but lucky stupid since I never gave him the mix. I put several different songs with the lyrics “wish you were here” not bad. then something fun like Beats So Lonely. A little Rickie Lee Jones, We belong together…ok I’m starting to push it a little bit…then I find one of my favorite songs by Puddle of Mudd (also perform the classic she fucking hates me) includes lyrics “oceans in between us but that’s not very far.’ great line since that applied to this particular relationship, then I listen more…my whole world’s about you, I will save you from the unclean and so on…uh oh we are quickly heading into stalker territory, then I throw in the great Jim Bianco, I’ve gotta thing for you. oh yeah definitely heading into stalker territory, then another wish you were here, now its starting to sound like desperate girl (all men love her) ……..then oh the best/worst ending to use a cover (its good I promise, Lizz Wright) AND the original Led Zepplin’s Thank You. geez why didn’t I just add Won’t you marry me bill? Sometimes procrastination is a good thing. If he wouldn’t have already dumped me, one listen to this cd and that would have speeded up the process. But hey, if anyone needs to end a relationship quickly, I have a cd for ya!

Work Work Work

wtprincess — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 02:00:45 +0000

How can I work so hard, be so tired and still not finish a damn thing? My desk is piled high with papers and pencils and highlighters. I have colored folders, tabs, and a computer with more files and more information and I even have a phone log (that makes me snicker, I imagine a telephone floating on a big fat turd, am I immature or what?)…No I’m not even close to being organized. BUT I can’t say no to any interesting projects! I think the suits know if they offer me a few fun things to do, I will keep doing the crap work and that keeps me captive at my desk.

And now I’m home, surrounded by clothes, shoes, books, cds, and stuff. I have empty plastic containers, silver file cabinets and other cute storage devices. Why can’t I empty the full boxes, fill up the containers and organize my home? Because its more fun to go shop for all the cute organizing products but its not so fun to actually use them.

I think this means I am an accessories-aholic.

Blob about my bob

wtprincess — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 01:49:12 +0000

I just got my hair cut, its a cute shoulder length bob. I love a fresh cut and color. My hair is shiny, the layers all are in the right place. When I turn my head, my hair swishes like I’m on a Pantene commercial. My hair even feels good. Its soft and shiny and pretty. My hair stylist is the true Shear Genius. She won’t go on that show because she’s not an asshole. I have cute blonde highlights, nice red lowlights and no grey! My BOB LOOKS GREAT! SO WHY AM I SITTING HOME ON THE COMPUTER? I should be out on the town showing off my pretty Pantene commercial hair. But then someone will light up a cigarette and then my pretty shiny hair will smell like disgusting smoke and won’t be as shiny. So I’ll have to come home and wash it and then it will go back into the clip on top of my head with just a tiny bit of shiny pretty hair in the perfect bob.

Maybe if I’m very careful and sleep really soundly without tossing and turning, AND I don’t get my hair wet when I shower in the morning, maybe it will look almost as good as it does this very moment. I wish I could have this shiny pretty hair every day! oh well

I’m Just Tired

wtprincess — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 01:41:36 +0000

I know its not really much of a blob if you don’t keep at it but I’m tired. I’m so tired, its really sad. I’m tired because I’m burned out from my job. I’m tired because too many people have let me down or disappointed me (not you, my friends). I’m just so tired…I’m tired because I can’t sleep without my Ambien. And then I’m tired when I wake up. I’m tired because I fell on my head the first night of vacation and busted my ear open. I’m tired because when I should have been resting and relaxing on vacation (the first one in fucking years!) I was worried about the havoc I wrought on the night I got so drunk I blacked out. I’m just so fucking tired. I’m tired because I can’t sleep on my left side because my ear hurts and I can’t sleep on my right side because my hip hurts. I’m tired, dammit. I’m tired because I’m getting older and not particularly better. I’m tired because my kids are gone away and I don’t have to make myself act like I’m not tired while I take care of whatever they need. I’m just so fucking tired I could go to sleep right now….

She made me do it

wtprincess — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 02:47:51 +0000

yep her blob name is something with mommy in it so you are picturing this kind loving woman who wouldnt swat a fly. HA that’s what Norman Bates said too!

She has made me do lots of stuff, there was a Sunday when she insisted that I take this little white pill oh wait, I volunteered, nevermind. No she is the one who always reminds me that I am smart, cool and funny dammit. after all she lets me hang with her. So in addition to accepting a double dog dare from my best friend, which you must always accept or be exiled to wimpydom, I feel the need to express some wisdom from the White Trash Princess (WTP).

So many times, when I refer to myself as the WTP, people say aren’t you being hard on yourself calling yourself White trash and I of course politely reply, I got your white trash right here baby (grabbing my crotch too but if you were cool you would already know that). and some people say oh isn’t it bad to be a princess, well hell yeah! but that’s why I’m the WTP. I want to be a princess but my palace is a trailer! What’s a girl gotta do to get out of Garland. Well actually move across the street but I digress.

so what’s up with the blob (I agree, blog sucks blob cool)? as I said, she made me do it. now I double dog dare you, bitch! oh wait, I have to come up with something to dare you with…hmmmmmmm

Let me ponder on this dare……

PS. my friend and I are word dorks, we are, she loves the word akimbo and I love words like ponder, renaissance and random.